It’s not uncommon for a couple to go through a stretch of time where neither one is in the mood to have sex regularly. However, if you suddenly find that you aren’t in the mood to be intimate with your partner even though you want to be intimate, your libido could be decreasing. While many people begin to experience less sex drive as they age, it doesn’t have to be this way.
Trying out some of the remedies below could help you get your libido back to where it was when you were younger.
1. Show your partner the right level of intimacy
Foreplay is one of the most important parts of sex, according to Dr. Westheimer, a psychosexual therapist at New York University. For women, foreplay is especially important to help them be in the right headspace to orgasm, but foreplay is also an important component for men to get an erection.
If you’re struggling with your libido take some extra time with your partner before you try to have sex. This will help increase the levels of intimacy between you and your partner which will make sex more enjoyable.
2. Use a CBD massage oil
Some studies have shown that CBD (the oil extract from the hemp plant that doesn’t make you “high”) can help to lessen anxiety, relieve stress, and lessen pain in joints or muscles. Since it’s difficult for most people, especially women, to fully enjoy sex and orgasm when they’re stressed, CBD can play a beneficial part in improving libido.
Even more, you can have some fun with CBD in the bedroom. Try out a CBD massage oil with your partner to help increase your libido. Either the massage or the oil could be a turn-on by itself, but with the CBD oil mixed in, you and your partner will both be extra ready to share an intimate moment.
3. Consume some chocolate
The verdict is still out on if chocolate actually helps to improve your sex drive. Some studies show that the effects of chocolate are in people’s heads while another study showed that chocolate causes the body to release serotonin, and can have an aphrodisiac effect as a result.
Either way, there’s only one way to find out if chocolate improves your sex drive or not, and that’s eating some before you have sex (as a worst-case scenario, you had an excuse to eat chocolate).
4. Eat certain fruits
Like with chocolate, there still isn’t a ton of research about if eating particular foods will help improve your sex life. However, many foods that are good for you - like figs, bananas, and avocados - are considered to be foods that can boost your libido.
There isn’t much evidence why this could be the case, but those foods are full of necessary vitamins and minerals that can help to increase blood flow to the genitals.
5. Try aromatherapy
Aromatherapy (also called essential oil therapy) involves inhaling and smelling the scent of natural plant extracts. Some research has shown that these extracts (commonly known as essential oils) can promote health and mental well-being based on which oil you use and how your body responds to it.
Aromatherapy doesn’t have much scientific evidence to support it, even though it has begun to gain more recognition in the world of medicine in recent years. Usually, people have to try out multiple oils to find what works best for them. Some oils you’ll want to consider using in the bedroom are lavender, sandalwood, ylang ylang, jasmine, and cinnamon. Some brands will even mix these essential oils with CBD to create a powerful and relaxing aphrodisiac oil.
You can get the most out of aromatherapy by putting the oils in a diffuser, inhaling them, or placing them directly on your skin.
6. Focus on your self-esteem and self-confidence
The brain is sometimes described as the most important sex organ because it plays such a crucial part in controlling all of the nerves and hormones that are responsible for creating sexual arousal.
Because of this, how a person feels about their body can directly impact their sex drive. This makes it imperative that you have a positive body image to help increase your sex drive.
If you’re struggling with your body image, but your partner is making it clear that they want to share an intimate moment with you, don’t push them away. Instead, take that intimate moment in a different direction and tell them that you’re struggling with the way you view yourself at the moment. Ask them to remind you what they love about you and what they find attractive about you. Working to change your self-image isn’t an easy process, so be vulnerable and rely on your partner for support.
7. Find ways to feel more comfortable with your partner
An important question to ask yourself is, are you truly experiencing less libido or have you and your partner fallen into the same sexual routine? Whether you’ve been together for months or decades, sexual wants and desires can shift over time. If you haven’t talked to your partner in a long while about what he or she likes during sex, along with what you like during sex, then you should consider having that conversation again.
It’s never too late to try something new in the bedroom that could bring both you and your partner pleasure.
8. Get your sleep
Again, this recommendation ties into the important role your brain plays in your libido. A lack of sleep can make you feel more easily irritated or stressed out (not exactly the emotions you think of before getting into “the mood”).
Be sure to take a nap here and there or try to catch up on a rest on the weekend. Getting enough sleep is an important thing to have for any part of your life, and your sex drive is no different.
9. Take time for yourself and alleviate stress
While you love your partner and love to spend time with them, every now and then you just need some “you” time. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Part of being a successful couple is knowing when you need to spend some time by yourself and communicating that in a positive way.
Whether you like to read, watch a certain TV show, or paint, pick an activity that will help you relax a little. After spending that time by yourself and releasing some stress, you might find you have a desire to be close and intimate with your partner again.
10. Talk to your doctor
If a lack of libido lasts for several weeks, and you’ve tried several of the remedies above, you should talk to a doctor about how you’re feeling. They might be able to talk to you about your lack of sexual desire in a way you hadn’t thought of before or they might be able to prescribe a medication that helps.
If you or your partner are struggling to get into the right mindset to have enjoyable sex, try one of the remedies above to see if you notice a difference!